i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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