she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
