mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
