i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
