i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
