This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
