a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
