I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
