Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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