I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
