i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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