WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
