Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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