dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
