I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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