haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
