I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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