dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
