so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
