He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
