I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
