Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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