why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
