I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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