She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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