Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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