how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
