Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
