I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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