And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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