Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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