hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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