Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
