He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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