Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
