haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
