Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
