I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
