what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
