Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
