I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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