so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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