Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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