Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
