just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
