He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
