Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
