We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
