Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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