I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
